Career change/Follow your heart/Balanced choice
Changing career to Psychology
I guess I can say, I fell out of love for Nursing. There is still a fondness to the career as it had wanted to do since I was 16, now as a soon to be 28, I am slowly becoming disillusion towards the capacity of change I can provide in this career stream.
If I keep it simple, I would say I fell in love with nursing because I like to help people. My motivation back then was simple, my needs were simple, my wants were simple. Now, with layers of experiences that life had thrown at me. My motivation is now complex, my needs are multifaceted, my wants are interlaced with spider webs of responsibilities.
A mortgage is tricky to sustain, a lot of overtime does help but it makes it harder to stay in love with a job that I am increasingly feeling more and more like I am FORCED to do instead of JUST doing it.
An increasing need to sustain and built a social circle is ever so important as I realised that due to my standards of performance at work, I do not have friends, I only have people that wants to either drag me to their level or ignore me when I want to suggest something. True, there are the patients and family that appreciate my work, but thats where it ends. I also have few colleagues that appreciate me, but I do not see myself or them extending it further than professionals. I have found great people that I want to maintain in my social circles and further more I want to find even more people that I could call friends.
However, with all of the overtime, I simply am too knackered to want to socialise, maintain hobbies, sustain healthy habits and even want to start doing anything is already uncertain as I would have to drop everything and work. A career change will hopefully make it easier for me to do have some balance with some decent income to help out with the mortgage. Then, I can try to find balance again.
Professional barriers and lost of interest
Due my upbringing, I have some very interesting stories that I keep near and dear to my heart as to not corrupt anyone else. As there are some forbidden knowledge that I know, I always had wondered how can I use what I have been exposed with to help others. I was very lost in that question for many years until I landed on Psychology.
That question was my biggest barrier to finding true satisfaction towards my job as for my Nursing career, I can only do so much due to professional code of conducts.
I always had burn out every 6-12 months, that is usually when I take a break and things tend to be okay for little while, until it isn't then cycle will rinse and repeat. I eventually learnt to adapt to those feelings and thoughts. However, due to me wanting to purely optimise my work health, I have lost myself personally during the process. At this current point of self re-discovery, I have gathered that I would like to have consistent work schedule to make my other goals in life more achievable.
Shift work is a very tough gig and especially when your sleep-wake cycle is totally opposite to everyone else. I still could not picture myself raising a functional family and being an available friend due to the shift work. I guess at this point I can really understand why I used to hear that up to 50% of nurses on year 5 will choose to not be nurses anymore.
Unable to see more than the failures of a thing
I guess for this category, what I mean is I now have visionary differences with the general public health system. Recently I got the fortune to be exposed to a video of an early retired neurosurgeon in his 30s stating why he stepped away from his job and choose to find happiness. Mind you, I do think me and the doctor do have something similar but I can not outright say what it is. So I do understand the reason why he choose to do it that way. I guess for me it is also the same but I have a different set of issues to address so I can not just drop everything. The video made me realised that there faults in everything, but on this current route, I am not happy with carrying forward the vision that the public health system carrying.
Fostering positivities in grounds of the void
I mentioned this a bit earlier that I do have a lot of darkness in me, growing the few positives that is dear to me. It is very hard to trust when you have trust issues, so the few people I can, I will try to foster that trust.
Surrounding one self with things you like even when you suck at it
I guess I like to hone my skills for my hobbies over time, due to being both ADHD and Autistic, I do have a very unique problem where I can give myself legitimate reason to ignore what I like to do when it fits either of my diagnosis. It is tough to stay consistent because of that, also because I did not have a lot of good examples in my life too to reference what a healthy lifestyle looks like.
I would like to attend to my hobbies more often like guitars, magic, coffee, animals, motorbike, calligraphy, stream, video and psychology. That is a lot of hobbies to keep up too. I do not mind taking things slow, it is therapeutic.
Understanding unhealthy outlets and how to monitor that trait to track progress
This is a tough one for me, due to recent shadow works that I have done, I have acknowledge many of the outlets that are unhealthy. As per my previous shadow work, I just need to find healthier outlets for those needs and lucky me, I already have, I've just been running away from it because I am shy again to re-expose myself to the things I like instead of triggering a trauma response and mal-adapt.
How I am going to track progress is, I am going to not let the temptation take over, I am going to eat healthy, re-establish the healthy habits again and then I wont be as tempted by the unhealthy outlets.
Push past your own judgements and shames from others. Some people are just not your tribe and create your own community if need be
I do whole heartedly agree to this statement. Sure, I do sound a bit narcissistic but sometimes you just have to feel yourself to make these statement ring true.